Why we don't admit our mistakes to Each other
People choose to not “confess sin” because when they do, they are met with hatred, violence, scorn, rejection, and much more.
We want people to be honest, authentic, and forthright about their mistakes. Yet, when they express their mistakes, we actively shame them, become frustrated and bitter, and filled with vitriol and contempt.
We then further shame them for not quickly coming to us to “confess their sins”.
If they ask us to not treat them this way, we hiss back at them, “Well, you shouldn’t have made the mistake! It’s YOUR fault that I feel this way!”
Therefore, people are driven to find forgiveness and solace in other places, such as right back into the same mistake.
If we scorn, mock, or become frustrated at all with someone over their mistake, we are creating a very high likelihood of them repeating the mistake to find the very solace they were looking for in our forgiveness, which we withheld.
For example: if our loved one confessed that they gambled again, and we berate them and shame them and become frustrated, they will very likely return to gambling as a way of coping with the misery of our company, and the pain of our self-righteous condemnation.
Of course we are not to blame for their mistake. But we can certainly help them more effectively by responding with gentleness and patience than with bitterness and self-pity.
We wonder “what is the best way to heal the world?” and we think it is this: “Whenever you see someone make a mistake, berate them for it, be very angry, mock them, become self-righteous or filled with self-pity.”
The only way to truly heal the world should be obvious: “Forgive, be patient and kind, humble and merciful in your heart.”
(By the way: you can leave a toxic relationship if need be. The issue at hand here is your inner heart posture toward the person who has a problem, not whether or not you stay with them or continue to “let them” do this or that.)
(in addition, if your loved one betrays you and it causes you deep sorrow, and you mourn over the brokenness in front of you, this not what I’m talking about either. This is a healthy and cathartic release of energy. I’m specifically referring to hatred, desire for vengeance, mocking, belittling, etc.)